darkness of Solitude Part I Forgive me, but my luck somewhere lost it and I was not able to complete the next chapter of Lost Hope. I hope you will forgive me. And because the C: drive it was just launched this second story, "Darkness of Solitude", I decided today to insert the first part. Do not worry, Lost Hopes for sure I'll finish, I have this story in my head.
A and complaints not to me only to a school that takes my precious time and destroys the mood for the rest of the day so that everything I odechciewa.
not extending.
C and m e n of Æ t S a m of t n t of c and
Part I
hatred, indifference, rejection ... The bitterness spilled on the child due to personal tragedy ... no ... but love - loneliness!
I finished writing the development referred by how wonderful a teacher of biology. I decided to pack up and leave tomorrow to go somewhere. Amazing how easy it is to get into science, you do not have a computer, but not only here there was a problem.
The window slowly started to get dark. Soon my mother will come back, probably drunk again. I just hope that it will not invite another man for the night. I'd rather be rested at school tomorrow, so it will not listen to what I'm not. In the end it does not depend on me if I have to listen all night moans olds own or not. It seems to me that today no one will come. Even when we do not have electricity. We cut him for unpaid bills. Recently, therefore, did not have homework for chemistry. When I got home after a workout it was already dark, and the mother did not think about it, to buy some candles.
got up from his chair and left the room. It could use a watch, but oh well ... most of the things her mother drank. In the kitchen, lit the gas and at the makeshift light began to look for something to eat. Virtually empty cupboards, fridge, moreover, too. Which day? I do not know, but certainly the beginning of the month. In such a case will be hard. Mother as I have earned something, and so will the alcohol. Damn ... if it was not aware of the fact that his father sends me a monthly maintenance would have a bit small for survival. But Unfortunately, she knows this and takes the money for himself. Time to find a job. I sighed putting out the gas. Still miss it, that this bill was also unpaid, it will freeze in this apartment.
I went blindly into the room. The sun had for some time been hidden behind a horizon. In a sense I opened one of my cabinet and pulled out the how useful the invention of man which are the candle. Fired one of them and the walls of the room danced shadows. Slowly, so as not to spill the wax onto the floor, picked it up and put on the cabinet near the window sill. What I care about the order, everyone cares, if it had to clean up not only themselves but also from his mother and the people visiting it. I must add that this also I'm doing lunch.
I sat on the windowsill of a window aside lightly, and the fresh night wind Slavic my face. Flame stirred uneasily under the influence of light blast, but not extinguished candle. I pulled out the packet of cigarettes from his pocket, I always sneak a single mother, and finally bought them for my maintenance. Fired one inhaling the smoke. Tired expression on my face for a moment turned into a blissful, as I noticed looking at my reflection in the glass. I smiled slightly. I would like for a little while to become a child. Jeez .. I'm starting to think like an old man. Although the elderly do not ... so thinking, they have a comparison. They know what it was like to be a child, and I .. I had to be an adult since I can remember. Every time you acted like a child, the more I was losing at this than adults. Wyuczono me the code of the street and he learned a respect for all, regardless of how far they fell. After I had alcoholic mother, who moonlighted as a prostitute. Well thanks to her I realized what is nymphomania.
Sometimes I'm glad to live this way and not otherwise, won far reveal wider tolerance than the officially accepted. I have become self-sufficient and strong enough to resist the destructive force of rejection by society. There are people who would have broke down, with such a life as I am. Others are not so lucky and get a life similar to my suddenly. These are also not able to withstand. So when I ask myself whether it was worth it? I have to honestly answer - yes, because I can not regret, and longing for something I never experienced. Among other things, for love, friendship and selfless decision to be taken easily. Without knowing these feelings I can not understand them. I only know the theory, but it never occurred to me to check in practice. Is that bad? I do not know, I do not know if I have no comparison. Life has made me who I am. Some may not like it, but they do not understand. Do not know the causes of my ambitions. Do not know where for me as strong motivation. So have such values. Because I think the most important is to achieve the goal, gaining what he never had. Understanding.
threw the butt out the window. I stood up dragging a little and reached for the bag, thrown in a corner of the room. Repackaged and put it on the bed. Well just now I realized that tomorrow I finish seventeen years.
- yet only a year. - I said quietly to himself. And in my head knocked just a thought. "Only a year."
put out the candle to starczyła me for more than one day. Someone who has never had to watch every penny issued, would understand my behavior. But what such a life, not everyone wallows in luxury and has villas with private pool.
Although one had to admit. From my window, spread a remarkable sight. Thanks, that my block was slightly higher than the other, and I practically lived in the attic I could see the roofs of all others. The district was located on a small hill, so besides my street I saw a large part of the city. When I was younger I could look for hours at a place of gathering so many people. I was wondering if they ever sleep, because no matter what time of the Tokyo floated orange glow. Thousands of lighted lanterns grew clearer before the man almost every corner of the street. The sounds of car riders kept ringing until about the third or fourth morning to ring out again after an hour with all his strength. Millions of colorful neon invited to take advantage of this, and not from another store, but people they already know where is the best. The screams of drunken parties returning from the residents of this district zapyziałe you and me I lived, carried an echo along the street, reaching up to my window. Shrieks of women being raped, screams of pain and death - it was all the norm here, so nobody tried to get in the mix. I mean, why go into the score with the local tough guys, and gangs. Indifference. I guess it was the only feature that were directed here. In any event, it was the first, what I learned. "Never go in the nose is not my case."
look down I pulled away with the night sky, which in this city you can never see even one star. My eyes fell on the shabby building where most of the windows have been struck by the youth. I never seemed to me strange that the owners do not fix them. Finally, after what. Cash, after barely enough for one of the main purposes of my neighbors - alcohol. In one of these homes were burning light. I guess the TV, because every now and then changed its density and strength. I did not know that someone on this Street have such a luxury material.
smiled slightly. Probably recently introduced. I felt something like sympathy. "Dude do not even know how much you lose in life." Strange that this phrase appeared in my mind. In the mind of a kid who has nothing, and that you never had. Am I a hypocrite? Probably not, in the end I saw what others have, so I regret that he did not have. Especially it much easier to understand possession of material goods rather than feelings.
still looked down on the sidewalk and street. Spilling of garbage containers secreted obnoxious odor getting into my nose whenever I went past them. Even now, he felt, although he was not so blatant, as when I found myself next to it. The wheel of some of them lay broken household appliances, will most probably not suitable for scrap. Otherwise, by now it was gone. Finally, for those people most important goal in life is to get funds on alcohol. Although I grew up here, I think it's sick.
Circle damaged the door frame one of the houses lay a junkie or a drunk. From this height it was difficult to assess. Most likely, someone threw him out of the house. Do not look for more than fifteen years, though I could not get to know this for sure. Curled up, covered with an old tattered jacket. Next the shop regulars sat several sobering with cans in hand, laughing about something loudly. Police visited the place almost daily, although it was clear that with disgust. Anyway, what they wonder?
Looking at the other side I saw two girls in scanty costumes, based on the lighthouse. There was even a finite sixteen years. It's hard to live in such a place ...
I came third and stood two steps away from them. Oh, will zadyma. Place of work these girls were booked long ago, and this looks like what has come to a new one. Strange, never seen her before. I tried to explore it a bit more. She had pink hair! I am sure that Ino and her friend easily places will not give up. Not be counted. After a while we could hear the sounds of a quarrel. She began to struggle and new landed on the ground. Almost saw her terrified face when got up and ran away. This was accompanied by blasphemous cries of red-haired blonde and her friend. And I just watched it.
snap of the front door forced me to move away from windows and flooded most certainly welcome the corpse of the mother. I reached for the candle and the dark I went to the hall. I lit her illuminating two people standing in the doorway.
- Naruto Whore! Why is there no light? - Me too nice to see you, Mom. Well apparently a little more sober than I put, at least not get me in the morning for being too loud and the sun shines brightly. Strange is the fact that he does not remember that when I gave her money on the electricity bill, said that is impossible to survive without him and went to drink. The third month in a row. In the end they had to turn it off so as not to lose.
- Not zapłaciłaś for electricity. - My voice sounded confident, even though I knew that this is not the answer, which is expected.
- dung - almost hissed the word. - You had to pay for it! I gave you for no money! What did you do with them? Przećpałeś whether przepiłeś! - Oh, the hypocrisy is rife, I thought, listening to the screams of my wonderful redheaded olds.
standing in the doorway a young man, probably another customer, looked thoughtfully at me. What are you looking at dude? I threw him a glare. Unfortunately, my dear mom saw that she was not listening. I felt pain on his cheek, and his head turned down on my side, but for me it was too weak I'd even moved. Metallic taste in the mouth testified that accidentally chewed a lip. I touched and I felt a trace of burning his fingers a few scratches. Standing quietly so far haired, slightly raised his hand and touched my mother's arm. Apparently she forgot about it, because she sent him a seductive smile of apology. And how can you not love this?
- Where is the dinner, son? - This woman has an incredibly quick change of moods. Well dinner is not, because it was not with what he done, but it would be better to shake off the blame, it does not bring out again with her balance. Dude, you brought this time it looks like nadzianego, so maybe I can steal something from her pay.
- There is no dinner, moms. - I pretended that I was terrified. Yes, the acting is useful in life. - I forgot to make a purchase. - Looked at the ground would not have noticed appearing on my face smile. Fortunately, it received the way I wanted, or as a sign of repentance. Amazing how easy it is to manipulate people when they think they are smarter than you and stronger.
heard a rustle, and after a quiet moment in front of my face, a number of banknotes. Whore! Enough money last time I had in hand, when I got alimony, and her mother still did not know about them. I looked questioningly at the man, who did not move.
- Take them Naru. - I hate this shortcut, Yet you know wariatko! - Go buy something to eat and come back sooner than two hours. - I hate that smile that I sent. Smile whore, woman, whose dignity is only a memory. But I did not speak a word, no. Without any emotion on her face painted I took the money and left the house. Brunet look carefully drained. What the hell man?! Throbbing headache caused by several nieprzespanymi night did not give me opportunities to reflect on this issue. Again, I'm in school, barely alive.
you! It's all your fault ... stop looking like it ... Get out! You hear Out of my life, because you can give only painful memories!
I went out into the street, I knew now what I do. Of course, I'll put the money so that starczyły for the entire month, but if I need somewhere to spend the two hours it is best to choose precisely in this place. It seems to me that anyone today will not be there in peace, practice. Always annoyed me when someone interfere with doing what is my life. Sometimes, only because had not yet surrendered. Until there is a goal, as long as I'm going to seek it. Do not let people who are too weak to fix their lives, prevented me to achieve what he intended. Yet I will become the loser's a winner!
not hurry up. Slowly I passed the next block. Carefully avoided the junk cluttering the earth. Across the street, walked two people reeling. Somewhere in the back of the car stopped with a screech trąbiąc doggedly. In the alley next to the one you just passed a boy was beaten. In one of the captors recognized member of a gang. But even if I do not know it, would help the kid. And so I would not give advice to four. Anyway, everyone cares only about his own nose. Why przysparzać enemies when you are nothing? To survive you need to look at this, what can not be pushed around themselves, while showing the weakness of the stronger. And most importantly, one must be able to escape. For a while I practiced parkour, and I still care about the condition of and physical fitness, I can continue what they have learned. Such a skill more than once saved my face from zmasakrowaniem. The basic rule of the street, if there is more than one, take to their heels.
zamigała One of the lighthouse a few times and went out. Not far from the car stepped out of the Ino her redheaded friend. I nodded my head in greeting. Well one and only time in my life mingled with the other people's affairs, so far she is guilty I favor, because I respect it. I turned to the less traveled lane divided by na pół płotem. Przeskoczyłem go zgrabnie i ruszyłem dalej. Żyjąc ciągle bez zegarka potrafiłem ocenić godzinę, choć często myliłem się o kilkanaście minut. Teraz jednak wiedziałem, że mam jeszcze całkiem sporo czasu. Wziąłem głębszy wdech i przebiegłem przez podwórko, na którym mieszkali najpaskudniejsi ludzie jakich znałem. Szukają na mnie zemsty, za to, że nie pozwoliłem im się zgwałcić uciekając. Nie jestem gejem.. raczej, choć nie mam pewności, bo nigdy nie podobała mi się żadna dziewczyna. Zresztą najczęściej widuję kobiety lekkich obyczajów, więc I may have been trauma. Interesting is the sentence: I was raised by a prostitute, but I want to achieve anything in life. If I called them at school, I would be laughed at. Those who live in this neighborhood, do not talk about yourself too much. We are the zeros in the city of millions, but we lack something else. We have the strength to get though the worst trouble to put the next step. I mean, of course, most of the young people living here. Because even such Ino selling her body does it for their better future. Stay away from this world. World of people who lost lives.
I've come to a place about which they know very few. Officially not allowed to be here, so in some ways I was breaking the law every day, but somehow I do not care. The closed warehouses and old factories were always my favorite place to play, and later training. It is here that I ran when I had no strength to withstand with my mother. Here, the time spent in solitude away from the hatred and vile or lewd glances. This place was mine alone ... an escape from reality and the world. Was located slightly above the city, away from the most illuminated center. Hence, we could see a few stars, so I liked to come here. Even the profusion of streets here is a bit quieter. And most importantly ... I'm alone, but I do not feel alone.
- I'm lonely when I'm in town, people never look at me how a person * - hummed softly under his breath just heard the song somewhere.
* I'm lonely when I'm in town, people look at me neper how a person. - I'm lonely when I'm in town, people I never look at me like a man.
I will try this week to add a new chapter of Lost Hope, if you do not succeed, it will be 14.02 OneShot Valentine's Day and then will inform the exact date the emergence of the Supreme Court. Next week begins my vacation, I'll have time to write. I greet and cordially thank you for your comments.
